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Grief and Pull-Ups

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Natalie Taylor uses CrossFit to confront—and beat—her monsters.

About three-and-a-half years ago, I slammed into my first real-life monster. I lost my husband, Josh, in an accident. At the time of his death, I was 24 years old and five months pregnant with our first son. The year following my husband’s death was a lot of things—confusing and sad at first, and then exhausting and sad once I had my son. I spent a lot of time crying in my bathrobe and feeling like I was aging at an exponential rate. I loved my new baby, but my own identity was deteriorating at an alarming speed.

Somehow, I realized that exercise was an essential part of recovering my former self and that internal strength and endurance were directly proportional to external strength and endurance.

My older sister kept pushing me to start CrossFit. When she was home for the holidays, I couldn’t believe how much stronger she looked just from a few months of CrossFit. Slowly, she got me started on CrossFit despite the fact that I had every excuse in the book.

As months passed, I bought one more small thing to add to my gym. And while my son slept, I would be in my garage using some pretty awful form to try to resurrect my broken body and soul. The craziest part is that it actually started to work.


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